My process with looking at my internal dialogue started with gentle reminders from a poet friend. For years, I had a negative outlook about who I was, what I was doing, how I looked and so on. So much so it took forms like negative eating behaviors and even landed me in the hospital when I hit rock bottom. I believe it was the words of "you will never be good enough", "you are just a loser", "I hate myself" and so on that sent me into a very wild, chaotic, disease filled roller-coaster. All compounded by being incredibly effected since a little girl by the Seasonal Affective Disorder (S.A.D). Shifts had begun when I said something to my poet friend that reflected my insecurity and apprehension. Being a poet she listens closely to the words chosen. She hit the pause button and said "How about we reword that?" I was like "huh?" and then "oooohhh". In that moment I realized even after years of recovery from my former self, I had held on to something that was so powerful and strong that I had created. And now it was up to me to shift that creation into creating positive change in my words. Change starts with awareness. Second step: Observe.
First to observe one must let go from observing from the manas(mind). You observe from a place beyond the mind. This is where TriYoga and Meditation have help me immensely. Learning to be present and observe the thought patterns took the energy out of them. Once I could do that then it was redirecting that energy to new positive words in all forms: spoken, written, and thought. I started regularly reading positive quotes from inspirational people such a Sri Ganaphati Sachchidananda Swamiji (Nada Yogi), Sri Kaliji, Mother Theresa, Martin Luther King, Jr, Mahatma Ghandi and etc. Some of my favorites come from Pema Chodron and the Dali Lama. Not only did I read them but would write them down and absorb them through speaking them out loud. My life began to change. I have noticed that I am much more loving to myself. Walking by a mirror used to be so painful that over a decade ago I would cover it. Now I walk by a mirror, a voice as if not of my own appears and says "I Love You." And it is true. Experiencing love for myself has opened my heart to others in a way I could have never imagined. I am grateful for all the life lessons that have appeared. I have been in the dark so that now when the Light appears I recognize it. The Light is in all of us.
"Where the mind goes the energy follows."~Sri Kaliji
AUM SHANTI, SHANTI, SHANTI
With Love,
Binaka